I was broken

I'm back to the blog after quite a long hiatus. The other night, God did a big work on me- He broke me. And by that I mean, ugly cry broke me. I had a rough couple of days, where it seemed like nothing was going right. I lost it Tuesday night- broke down hysterically. At this point, I was just ready to give up. Somewhere in the midst of my breakdown, I heard God telling me "You can do this without Me." And I knew He was right. I got out A Woman After His Own Heart , a book a coworker of mine had given me a few months ago. I started chapter one that night, then chapter two the next morning. I'm also completing the study guide along with it. Yesterday, my best friend gave me a book about praying through marriage difficulties, so I've added that to my daily quiet time as well. I feel really good right now, like I'm in a true relationship with God.

Yeah, so....

Started back to work this week, haven't done so well on keeping up with the blog. Which is funny, because I've been on the computer... anywho, I will do better!

This was a rough week. Nicholas got sick Monday halfway through the day, so I had to leave work early and go get him. Then on Wednesday, Gabriel had to miss school because his asthma has been flaring up really bad. Took him to the doctor, and he's on some new meds, so hopefully it will help.

Healthwise, I haven't worked out at all this week. :( My knees were REALLY hurting last week after I did the 30 day shred. They're still hurting. :( I've decided to forgo the shred (as much as I hate it) and just do my Walk Away the Pounds dvd for now... it's a longer workout, but less impact. I've done better with eating later in the week. Beginning of the week, I succumbed to the siren's call of fast food. But I straightened up after Brandie gave me a pretty stern talking to. (Love ya, girl!)

Love Dare- Yeah, I haven't kept up at all this week. And you know what, it's been a craptastic week in my marriage. I am vowing to get right back on that. We need something.

Spirituality- Our small group started back up this week. It was good to get back in the swing of things. We will be back at church tomorrow, after missing almost an entire month.

So, I derailed... but I'm back on track, hopefully.

Ugh, well...

No excuses. I messed up. I kinda fell off the wagon, and got stepped on by the horse. However, I am NOT laying down and waiting for the horse to poop on me. No, I am getting back up. I haven't worked out in almost a week. I haven't done my love dare since Friday. I haven't read my Bible since Saturday.

But guess what- it's OKAY. I am going to forgive myself. I am not going to take this out on me. I am not going to stop my journey. I need to remember that there will be detours on this road. I believe in being real and honest with myself. My friend Brandie added up my dinner... 1135 calories- in ONE meal. Ugh, freakin' Sonic. I feel sick. And I will make myself remember this next time I am tempted to stop at the drive thru.

Oops, missed a day

Sorry about not posting yesterday... that little thing called life got in the way. I thought we were just going to stay home for an uneventful New Year's Eve, I would do the shred, and we'd just hang out. No such luck. My husband came home from work and announced that we were going to his aunt's house for the evening. It was a lot of fun, as he comes from a huge family and gatherings are always a blast. I ate a little more fajitas and rice than I should have, but I did avoid soda and drank water instead! My in-laws cooked bunuelos (fried tortillas sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar) and I did have one of those. All in all, a good evening.
For the love dare yesterday, I was supposed to buy him something that let him know I was thinking of him. I made him a tres leches cake (I had to buy the whipped cream, so it counts!). He was very happy with that. I've always enjoyed buying/doing things for others, so this challenge was a lot of fun for me. I haven't even read today's challenge yet... guess I'm taking a day off since it's already 7:30 pm!
Health-wise, I've done pretty good. Eating today was a bit different because my husband was off work, and we decided to cook breakfast at home, then go out for a late lunch. This morning I ate two pancakes and a piece of bacon. I stopped when I was full, rather than just full-on indulging as I would have previously. However... I drank a coke today! Yes, I broke the fast. I only had one, and I think moderation is going to be much more realistic for me than complete abstainance.
We took the boys shoe shopping, then drove around to look at some houses in some areas we are interested in moving to. Yes.. moving! :) Our lease is up in June, and we hope to be moved out in May. We are thrilled to become homeowners!

Not so great start or middle.... but great ending!

Alrighty, so reality has set in. This is HARD. Changes are HARD. I didn't expect it to be easy, but darn that Christmas candy and those leftovers sitting around... then, on top of all that, my knees were hurting something fierce today. I almost wimped out and skipped the shred. But Brandie (thank God for motivating friends!!) encouraged me to do it anyway, and just modify so I'd be comfortable. So here I sit, having just finished the shred. My arms feel like jell-o, but I beat the obstacle. I said no to the excuses. I showed myself that I can do it! (oh yeah, day THREE of no soda!!!)
I guess that's my health update. On to my spiritual- I'm having a rough go. I'm not feeling connected. I know it's my fault... we've slacked on our church attendance the past few weeks. Small group is on hiatus... but it is up to me to keep my relationship with God going. I cannot depend on church or small group to do that for me. I did read chapter 2 of Romans last night. I tried to pray, but it wasn't working. I didn't feel like I was really talking to God. Nightly reading isn't going to work for me on the Bible front. Too much distraction. I will resume waking up earlier and reading before everyone wakes up.
Marriage update- this was day 2 of the Love Dare. My challenge was to do something special for him. I wanted to make a cake for him, but we were missing a few key ingredients, and I really didn't want to go to the grocery store with my ornery boys. So I settled for laying out his clothes and towel for him for his after work shower. I had dinner ready when he got home, and I took care of the kitchen. I didn't nag him once. Score! :)

Good things come in threes...

Alrighty, here I am on day 3~ two days longer than I thought I'd last! Today was awesome on several fronts. We had our house that we're renting inspected by the foundation company. We've been worried because there have been cracks in the walls, and we knew the house had prior foundation issues. Praise God- the inspector said the house is repairing itself and everything is just fine! We are also beginning the process of purchasing a home. So far, everything is going well with the lender we are working with. This has been weighing heavily on us to get back to having our own home, a place we can call "ours."
Goal 1- get healthy- Alright, so I'm on day 2 of Jillian's shred. I didn't get to do my workout this morning because of the inspector coming so early. I was really worried I'd talk myself out of it by the end of the day. I sucked it up and just finished- it was TOUGH, because I'm still sore from yesterday. However, I pressed on and made it through. This is day 2 of not drinking any soda. Those who know me know that I have a major soda addiction. I decided to follow my friend Brandie's advice and just drop soda cold turkey. I've been drinking coffee in the morning, and unsweet tea (with Equal) during meals. I'm doing water after workouts.
Goal 2- spiritual life- I'm on day 2, chapter 2 of reading Romans. I'm finding it a little difficult to go straight through a whole book of the Bible. I have to stop and think a bit every couple of verses. I have a study Bible, so it helps with interpretation. I'm enjoying the sense of completion, though, that I'm not just reading a little verse, but I'm getting the entire context of what's going on.
Goal 3- improve marriage- I finished day 1 of the Love Dare. I'm reading at night, then putting it into practice the next day. Day 1's challenge was to exhibit patience and not say anything negative to your spouse. It was HARD. I had to stop several times (okay, a lot of times) from nagging or snapping at him. However, taking that moment to reevaluate and calm myself made all the difference. I found that when I responded calmly, Homero calmed down, too. It has helped with communication so far (just this one day, but still!)
Onward and upward- day 4 is tomorrow! Can't wait to see what's in store!

The first day of the rest of my life

Optimism is a beautiful thing. I woke up today, just knowing life would be different. A new day, a new chance to make better choices. I want to give myself the best life I can. Some things in life are beyond my control... those things I just have to leave up to God. He will handle them according to His plan for me. The other things, well, it's high time I stop complaining and start improving them.

First goal- be healthier. I'm not going to call this a "diet" or a "weight loss" plan. I just want to be healthy. To feel good about myself, knowing I will live long enough to see grandchildren someday. My plan for this is to start slowly... not to jump right in, as I am so prone to do. I'm starting today with the Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred dvd. This is a 20 minute (totally doable) workout. I weighed in this morning (239.4 ack!!) and will not weigh again for 30 days. On the eating aspect, I am just going to do my best to make healthy choices. I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought oranges, apples, grapes, pineapple, string cheese, and pretzels to use as snacks. I did NOT bring home any soda. Yippee!! I cannot lie and say that I can do water... I just can't. So I plan to make unsweet tea and use Equal.

Second goal- improve my spiritual life. I have fallen by the wayside on this big time. I struggle when I don't have a plan for my Bible reading. So my friend Astreia suggested I start with the book of Romans. Read a little each day, write what comes to me. I think I can handle that. After my Bible reading, I will spend some time in prayer. Gotta quit saving prayer for when I need it... I need to remember that it's a relationship with God. I have to maintain the lines of communication all the time!

Third goal- improve my marriage. This one is pretty self explanatory. I am starting The Love Dare today. I tried it last summer, but only got to day 12 (it's a 40 day challenge). I can't wait to see what happens from this one!

So... there are my goals. Are they big? Yes. Are they realistic? Yes. I am feeling good about this new outlook on my life.